Well folks, I am pretty sure I almost got myself into a little bit of trouble yesterday. The irony is that I wasnt even on the bus yet!
If you live in the PNW, you know that yesterday's weather was a total mess. It was windy and raining as I exited the building for what I figured would be my first afternoon bus ride in almost 2 weeks! Let me set the stage for you on this. My bus stop has a covered area over it so naturally everyone was huddled under it. I walked up and stood toward the very edge of the covering. There was a normal looking girl approximately 5 feet to my left and what I thought was a normal dude about 8 feet to my right. I am just standing there minding my own business when I hear, "PLEASE MOVE AWAY FROM ME". I turn and looked and it was the dude to my right. Now, I am not standing in this guy's 'bubble' at all so I turned back around and continued waiting for my bus peacefully. I then hear, "YOU MAM, PLEASE MOVE AWAY FROM ME".
At this point, I am completely annoyed. I start checking this guy out a little further: he looks showered, has a backpack, but is standing in the rain holding a baseball cap to his face, but there are plenty of people around me. I evaluate my options and the risk and decide to respond back with an emphatic, "No". Why should I have to move for a guy who is clearly a little 'off'. If he is uncomfortable with me standing no where near him, he can move! As I am thinking this, I hear him say to a person walking by, "PLEASE MOVE AWAY FROM ME". Ok now this is ridiculous, these people are walking by and again, no where near him, and he is yelling at them. I now conclude that this guy is a whack-a-doo and is warning people cause he know he could snap and I should probably have moved away from him, but I have taken my stance and now I have to continue with it. Here is how the last 2 minutes played out before my bus arrived:
Whack job: PLEASE MOVE AWAY FROM ME
Katie: No, you move
WJ: :::laughing:::: YOU WONT MOVE AWAY FROM ME
Katie: I will not
WJ to passing pedestrians: PLEASE MOVE AWAY FROM ME
The only thing that made me feel better is that I looked to my left and a normal looking dude gave me a look of 'good job, I got your back'.
As I got on the bus, I could hear him continue to yell at people so needless to say I was already in a mood when I got on. UGH
I sit down on the bus and at one stop a ton of people get on. There is a dude that gets on, and I will say, he is normal, but just looks new to riding the bus. He is standing at the front of the bus asking the driver questions on which route to take. There is a large, loud woman that is sitting close to this dude. Quick story on this woman: she is larger, with a cane cause she is a tippy walker (if you dont know what this is, next time you see me I can demonstrate), and made the bus driver put down the handicapped ramp for her...dont even get me started!
So the dude gets off the bus and all of a sudden this woman just starts going off to the bus driver! "He should have gotten off at the last stop. Why didnt he think about that?!" She is saying this with probably more attitude than even I could have mustered! The bus driver is saying back to her, "He probably had other things on his mind". Calm the eff down lady...the guy getting off at what you perceive to be is the wrong stop does not affect your life in any way, shape or form! The bus would have stopped at that stop anyway!
The broad does not stop talking about this situation and is annoyed that the bus driver isnt backing her up. "Well I am sorry, I am just a very direct person. You should meet my momma, she is more direct than me" WTF?!?! Between this lady and WJ, I am beyond annoyed with hearing other people speak so I throw out a "shut up!" I like to believe she heard me cause she stopped. Word to the wise lady: Do not concern yourself with other people on this particular bus route!!
BONUS BUS STORY
On my morning bus rides, the only really annoying thing is that there are people who get on the bus who, from what I can gather, are on there way to the local methadone clinic. They seem 'normal' enough, but always smell like the tumble dry their clothes with cigarette ashes. This one couple gets on and she is not in good shape. It is obvious that she is like 8 hours 'sober' and needs her methadone stat. Her husband is wearing a Canadian tuxedo and has a cane with no visible need for that cane...again, dont get me started. At the next stop, another gal gets on who is close to the same state. In fact, the 2 ladies start talking about how the clinic ran out yesterday. Shoot.
As the married lady starts talking, I notice that she is missing her right front tooth and the tooth next to that. I am not a dentist so have no idea the technical names for those teeth...sorry. I mean, could you fit into the methodone stereotype anymore?! ugh. Toothless Tina starts telling the other lady about what she bought for her grandmother at Macys. She got her some T-shirts a cardigan, and another item which she describes as a long sleeved thing that is a pullover and was having trouble with the technical name for it. I am thinking to myself, sounds like a sweater, but hey, what do I know! The other lady responds back with, "Oh, a bus sweater". Ummm, excuse me? WTF is a bus sweater?? I can say with 100% confidence that there is no such thing as a bus sweater. Toothless Tina replies back with, "Yes, a bus sweater!"
Oh dear Lord
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
mistaken identity
So I normally do not write a mid-day blog, but this morning's bus ride was just too good to keep you all waiting!
I get on the bus and there is a woman sitting on one of the 3 person benches with her legs up so she is taking up 2 spaces. This should not be shocking to anyone as I have tried to make it clear that people in Seattle think that they are the most important person on the bus. I choose to sit next to her and thank god I did!
Let me just remind all of you how the bus works: You get on the bus and when you want to get off, you pull a handy dandy cord and it alerts the bus driver that they need to stop at the next stop. It seems really simple and really obvious to me and most do not have problems with it.
This broad proceeds to yell to the bus driver, "Let me off at Virginia!". Mind you that Virginia street was the next stop. I am so sorry my friend, I did not realize that we were on your charted bus in which you control the bus driver! Does this look like an effin' taxi?!?! Can we get you your slippers and a mimosa to go along with this luxurious ride you think you are on?? She doesnt even pull the cord and doesnt even catch herself even though I am completely mean-muggin' her. Ugh
So as Princess Patty gets off the bus, (let me remind you, I am sitting on a 3 person bench) an older 'gentleman', sits down next to me. He, of course, smells like he fluffs his clothes with discarded cigarette butts, so I scoot over as far as I can go. This dude starts mumbling things and looking at me and starts scooting closer to me. Now, luckily I was getting off at the next stop, but this guy continues to scoot close to me. Listen buddy, I am sure you have no idea who you are messing with, but please do not make me yell at you. 1. its way too early on a Monday and 2. I do not want to start my week off with a fight!
He was still mumbling and scooting as I was getting up to exit...creep-o!!
If this morning's bus ride is any indication of how the afternoon will go, I am in trouble...I hate the bus
I get on the bus and there is a woman sitting on one of the 3 person benches with her legs up so she is taking up 2 spaces. This should not be shocking to anyone as I have tried to make it clear that people in Seattle think that they are the most important person on the bus. I choose to sit next to her and thank god I did!
Let me just remind all of you how the bus works: You get on the bus and when you want to get off, you pull a handy dandy cord and it alerts the bus driver that they need to stop at the next stop. It seems really simple and really obvious to me and most do not have problems with it.
This broad proceeds to yell to the bus driver, "Let me off at Virginia!". Mind you that Virginia street was the next stop. I am so sorry my friend, I did not realize that we were on your charted bus in which you control the bus driver! Does this look like an effin' taxi?!?! Can we get you your slippers and a mimosa to go along with this luxurious ride you think you are on?? She doesnt even pull the cord and doesnt even catch herself even though I am completely mean-muggin' her. Ugh
So as Princess Patty gets off the bus, (let me remind you, I am sitting on a 3 person bench) an older 'gentleman', sits down next to me. He, of course, smells like he fluffs his clothes with discarded cigarette butts, so I scoot over as far as I can go. This dude starts mumbling things and looking at me and starts scooting closer to me. Now, luckily I was getting off at the next stop, but this guy continues to scoot close to me. Listen buddy, I am sure you have no idea who you are messing with, but please do not make me yell at you. 1. its way too early on a Monday and 2. I do not want to start my week off with a fight!
He was still mumbling and scooting as I was getting up to exit...creep-o!!
If this morning's bus ride is any indication of how the afternoon will go, I am in trouble...I hate the bus
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
It's that time again...
...time for me to horrified by the 'people' that ride the bus!
I know I haven't written in a while and I do apologize for that, but I had to take advantage of the nice weather and do as much walking as possible! Well folks, you will be happy to know that while I took the summer off from the bus, nothing has changed!
So as I am blogging again, I thought I would start this off with a photo from this morning's bus ride:
That's right folks, not 1 but 2 people making blatant violations of my rules!! Let me also say, that my morning bus is pretty full so it's just really sweet that these guys find that their belongings are more deserving of a seat that a person! Umm hello boys, you have a built in storage space...it's called YOUR LAP!!!! Good-ness
The afternoon bus obviously had its share of interesting characters, but my most frustrating aspect came from the drivers. Apparently, while I took a hiatus from the bus, they have deemed it appropriate to change drivers. Now, this may seem like no big deal, but let me see if I can paint a picture for you:
The original driver, the OG if you will, gets off the bus. The Newbie gets on and then proceeds to sit there for 10 effing minutes playing with things, hitting buttons, and touching shit! Umm....last time I checked this is a bus and there is a schedule that needs to be kept...there are people waiting for this bus!! Mind you, crazy cracked out people, but people none the less!!
So after 10 minutes of non-sense, we start to be on our way. All of a sudden 15 people come out of the wood work to get on the bus. Again, let me remind you, we sat there for 10 minutes! They were extremely late for this bus and I feel do not deserve to get on the bus. Call me cold hearted, but I am a timely person and would never expect a bus to wait for me an interrupt other people's schedules! I then have to remember that I am in the center of Crazyville and manners are about as rare as showers here!
Wow, a few months away and I am coming out of the gate bitchy!!
I will close with a PSA that I picked up from the 'gentleman' that got on the bus this afternoon:
If, when you walk by, the smell of stale cigarettes lingers in the air for over 5 blocks, its time to put down the cigarettes and start washing your clothes on a regular basis. Thank you
I know I haven't written in a while and I do apologize for that, but I had to take advantage of the nice weather and do as much walking as possible! Well folks, you will be happy to know that while I took the summer off from the bus, nothing has changed!
So as I am blogging again, I thought I would start this off with a photo from this morning's bus ride:
The afternoon bus obviously had its share of interesting characters, but my most frustrating aspect came from the drivers. Apparently, while I took a hiatus from the bus, they have deemed it appropriate to change drivers. Now, this may seem like no big deal, but let me see if I can paint a picture for you:
The original driver, the OG if you will, gets off the bus. The Newbie gets on and then proceeds to sit there for 10 effing minutes playing with things, hitting buttons, and touching shit! Umm....last time I checked this is a bus and there is a schedule that needs to be kept...there are people waiting for this bus!! Mind you, crazy cracked out people, but people none the less!!
So after 10 minutes of non-sense, we start to be on our way. All of a sudden 15 people come out of the wood work to get on the bus. Again, let me remind you, we sat there for 10 minutes! They were extremely late for this bus and I feel do not deserve to get on the bus. Call me cold hearted, but I am a timely person and would never expect a bus to wait for me an interrupt other people's schedules! I then have to remember that I am in the center of Crazyville and manners are about as rare as showers here!
Wow, a few months away and I am coming out of the gate bitchy!!
I will close with a PSA that I picked up from the 'gentleman' that got on the bus this afternoon:
If, when you walk by, the smell of stale cigarettes lingers in the air for over 5 blocks, its time to put down the cigarettes and start washing your clothes on a regular basis. Thank you
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Classic Bus Day
With all the craziness that is goes on in my life, there is one thing I can rely on...that there will always be whack jobs on the bus.
On my morning bus, there is a new set of riders. Let me see if I can paint a clear picture for you:
Woman 1:
Never missed a meal
Smokes a pack a day
Dyed her hair blond about 1 year ago (I hope you see what I am getting at)
Is no stranger to Rx drugs and booze
Woman 2:
Is wearing all of her clothes at one time
Is on Rx drugs currently...to the point where her eyes continuously roll back in her head
In a wheelchair
They get on at the same stop ( I am sure you will be surprised to hear that it is in the ride free area) and to have someone get on the bus with a wheelchair takes a while. My time is precious, but I am more than fine to wait for those who are actually handicapped. Now, in past blogs, I have discussed the laziness of people in Seattle (fake walkers, fake canes, etc), but this broad takes the freaking cake! She has the audacity to push her wheelchair onto the bus. Let me be clear: the bus driver lowered the wheelchair ramp she pushed her wheelchair on whilst she was standing behind it and then pushed it onto the bus. UNBELIEVABLE. I had no words...well, that's a lie...I had a few choice words to say to her, but please refer to my description of her friend, broad 1 had about 200lbs on me. Plus, she was so doped up she would have had no idea what I was saying.
On my afternoon bus, I get on and see yet another lovely pair. Well, I smelled the 'gentleman' even before I saw him. The.Worst.BO.Ever! And considering all that I have smelled, I am sure you can appreciate how bad it must have been. This guy has never taken a shower a day in his life...not even one. I am sure his mom just hosed him off a couple of times and called it good. It just about knocked me back out of the bus. Lets see if I can do this guy justice:
Coveralls...that I am sure he has never washed
Hair that was shaved up the sides and long and obviously greasy down the center...like a reverse mullet
No stranger to Rx drugs and the perfect combo of uppers and downers
Hands that were encased in sores...here is where I threw up a little in my mouth
I am going to say that the gal he was riding with was his girlfriend, but I am not committed to that idea. The one impressive thing about her was that she had a glass eye. Now, I do not know for sure that it was a glass eye, but I am giving her the benefit of the doubt because if that was not a glass, that is one JACKED up eyeball. ::::shutter:::
It appeared that they were having a conversation, but this is all I heard Stinkpot say, "blemba mhmpf shurstp humns whaebi" There is no way that he was speaking real words! And he was speaking this way for 3 blocks. She kept nodding her head and speaking the same gibberish back to him.
How are these people allowed in society? How does Seattle tolerate this? Why me?!
On a side note, on my afternoon bus after the darling duo got off, I saw the lovely ladies waiting in front of the local outpatient methadone clinic. Shocking
On my morning bus, there is a new set of riders. Let me see if I can paint a clear picture for you:
Woman 1:
Never missed a meal
Smokes a pack a day
Dyed her hair blond about 1 year ago (I hope you see what I am getting at)
Is no stranger to Rx drugs and booze
Woman 2:
Is wearing all of her clothes at one time
Is on Rx drugs currently...to the point where her eyes continuously roll back in her head
In a wheelchair
They get on at the same stop ( I am sure you will be surprised to hear that it is in the ride free area) and to have someone get on the bus with a wheelchair takes a while. My time is precious, but I am more than fine to wait for those who are actually handicapped. Now, in past blogs, I have discussed the laziness of people in Seattle (fake walkers, fake canes, etc), but this broad takes the freaking cake! She has the audacity to push her wheelchair onto the bus. Let me be clear: the bus driver lowered the wheelchair ramp she pushed her wheelchair on whilst she was standing behind it and then pushed it onto the bus. UNBELIEVABLE. I had no words...well, that's a lie...I had a few choice words to say to her, but please refer to my description of her friend, broad 1 had about 200lbs on me. Plus, she was so doped up she would have had no idea what I was saying.
On my afternoon bus, I get on and see yet another lovely pair. Well, I smelled the 'gentleman' even before I saw him. The.Worst.BO.Ever! And considering all that I have smelled, I am sure you can appreciate how bad it must have been. This guy has never taken a shower a day in his life...not even one. I am sure his mom just hosed him off a couple of times and called it good. It just about knocked me back out of the bus. Lets see if I can do this guy justice:
Coveralls...that I am sure he has never washed
Hair that was shaved up the sides and long and obviously greasy down the center...like a reverse mullet
No stranger to Rx drugs and the perfect combo of uppers and downers
Hands that were encased in sores...here is where I threw up a little in my mouth
I am going to say that the gal he was riding with was his girlfriend, but I am not committed to that idea. The one impressive thing about her was that she had a glass eye. Now, I do not know for sure that it was a glass eye, but I am giving her the benefit of the doubt because if that was not a glass, that is one JACKED up eyeball. ::::shutter:::
It appeared that they were having a conversation, but this is all I heard Stinkpot say, "blemba mhmpf shurstp humns whaebi" There is no way that he was speaking real words! And he was speaking this way for 3 blocks. She kept nodding her head and speaking the same gibberish back to him.
How are these people allowed in society? How does Seattle tolerate this? Why me?!
On a side note, on my afternoon bus after the darling duo got off, I saw the lovely ladies waiting in front of the local outpatient methadone clinic. Shocking
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Back in full effect
Well hello everyone! I know I have been MIA, and I do apologize for that, but life got a little busy! So to reward your patience with me, I have pictures!!
So this one was taken last Thursday:
Now, I am not going to lie you to you...I am pretty sure this guy would have killed me if he saw me taking this! I am not sure if you can make it out, but please note this guy is in an eye patch. Let me repeat: eye patch. Also, the hat atop his head is a top hat. WTF?! This guy was so hard core which was only magnified by the studded box on his lap that also had a cross. I am not sure if this guy is going to conduct a magic trick or a ritual offering...either way, I was slightly frightened! Which is ironic, I know, considering I also ride the bus with tweekers and crazies!
So this was the scene on this morning's bus:
I do not even know where to begin with this douche bag. First off, this guy had a shaved head so pretty sure there was no reason for the hood...you dont get a bad hair day with no hair. Second, lets take a close look at those sunglasses:
1. Its 6:30 in the morning...it's not that bright out!
2. Nice blue reflective shades you douche. I mean, there are no words.
I will be nice and not comment on the WSU sweatshirt, but if you know me, you know my thoughts on that. It was way to early for this much douchebagary.
Ugh
So this one was taken last Thursday:
So this was the scene on this morning's bus:
1. Its 6:30 in the morning...it's not that bright out!
2. Nice blue reflective shades you douche. I mean, there are no words.
I will be nice and not comment on the WSU sweatshirt, but if you know me, you know my thoughts on that. It was way to early for this much douchebagary.
Ugh
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
The next Iron Chef...
Yesterday's bus was extra annoying!! First off, two buses just didn't show up...I mean, doesnt that completely negate the point of a bus?!
A bus finally arrives and as I enter the bus, I hear a passenger utter the following sentence to the bus driver:
"You should really try Mascarpone...it's wonderful...it's an almond paste"
Ummm...this offends me on 2 levels:
1. As a cook. First off genius, mascrapone is an Italian cream cheese. It is a wonderful cheese I will give you that, but in no way, shape or form does it even come close to resembling an almond paste! WTF?!
2. As a lover of tiramisu. Mascarpone cheese is the main ingredient in one of my favorite desserts and quite possibly one of the best desserts ever created. Please show some respect.
I mean, dont try to throw out culinary words there buddy to impress the bus driver, you just look like a total moron. What was the most interesting about this guy is that he was a total hippie. I mean, we are talking dirty hair, hemp clothes and sandals. You need to stick to what you know buddy i.e the wacky tobaccy, patchouli, and hacky sacks. Leave the culinary terms to the professionals
After dealing with the next Iron Chef, the bus is stopped at a stop light and a dude starts banging on the bus door. Now, for those of you that are not savvy to bus rules, a bus driver is only allowed to open the doors at a stop and not in the middle of the street. That is a real rule, not just one of mine:) So the bus driver opens the door and lets him on (clearly she is not the sharpest tool in the shed as she accepted that Mascarpone was an almond paste). This dude walks on the bus and before he gets anywhere near me, I can tell that this guy is going to be a pain:
1. I am pretty sure I got contact drunk from all the booze wafting off him
2. He wont shut up and, please see #1, is slurring his words
The entire time this guy is rambling on about something and I am pretty sure he is talking to people on the busy as I keep hearing him say "baby girl" or "my brother", but no one seems to be responding. At the next stop another gentleman gets on the bus and asks the bus driver if the bus stops at Virginia (this is another pet peeve of mine...Virginia is literally 2 blocks from the stop this guy got on at...seriously, you have to take the bus for 2 blocks?!). Drunky McGee from a few rows back keeps advising the guy that it does and finally the guy sits down. DM keeps trying to talk to this guy who has made it clear that he is not in the mood to make friends ( I can relate). DM keeps rambling to this guy and somehow gets on the subject of where he is from. This dude is so wasted that he cant even get out where he is from!! He starts to say, "Alabam.." and the says, "Albany, Georgia". Good work, buddy...good work
He then spends the rest of the bus ride talking about how when you live on the streets, the best way to travel is by truck and that truck stops are an easy way to get a truck. Umm, thanks for the tips DM, but pretty sure we have all seen a movie or heard stories of what you really have to do to get a ride from a truck driver. Thanks, but no thanks! I was floored that he got off at the last stop of the ride free area ( I seriously need a sarcasm font).
A bus finally arrives and as I enter the bus, I hear a passenger utter the following sentence to the bus driver:
"You should really try Mascarpone...it's wonderful...it's an almond paste"
Ummm...this offends me on 2 levels:
1. As a cook. First off genius, mascrapone is an Italian cream cheese. It is a wonderful cheese I will give you that, but in no way, shape or form does it even come close to resembling an almond paste! WTF?!
2. As a lover of tiramisu. Mascarpone cheese is the main ingredient in one of my favorite desserts and quite possibly one of the best desserts ever created. Please show some respect.
I mean, dont try to throw out culinary words there buddy to impress the bus driver, you just look like a total moron. What was the most interesting about this guy is that he was a total hippie. I mean, we are talking dirty hair, hemp clothes and sandals. You need to stick to what you know buddy i.e the wacky tobaccy, patchouli, and hacky sacks. Leave the culinary terms to the professionals
After dealing with the next Iron Chef, the bus is stopped at a stop light and a dude starts banging on the bus door. Now, for those of you that are not savvy to bus rules, a bus driver is only allowed to open the doors at a stop and not in the middle of the street. That is a real rule, not just one of mine:) So the bus driver opens the door and lets him on (clearly she is not the sharpest tool in the shed as she accepted that Mascarpone was an almond paste). This dude walks on the bus and before he gets anywhere near me, I can tell that this guy is going to be a pain:
1. I am pretty sure I got contact drunk from all the booze wafting off him
2. He wont shut up and, please see #1, is slurring his words
The entire time this guy is rambling on about something and I am pretty sure he is talking to people on the busy as I keep hearing him say "baby girl" or "my brother", but no one seems to be responding. At the next stop another gentleman gets on the bus and asks the bus driver if the bus stops at Virginia (this is another pet peeve of mine...Virginia is literally 2 blocks from the stop this guy got on at...seriously, you have to take the bus for 2 blocks?!). Drunky McGee from a few rows back keeps advising the guy that it does and finally the guy sits down. DM keeps trying to talk to this guy who has made it clear that he is not in the mood to make friends ( I can relate). DM keeps rambling to this guy and somehow gets on the subject of where he is from. This dude is so wasted that he cant even get out where he is from!! He starts to say, "Alabam.." and the says, "Albany, Georgia". Good work, buddy...good work
He then spends the rest of the bus ride talking about how when you live on the streets, the best way to travel is by truck and that truck stops are an easy way to get a truck. Umm, thanks for the tips DM, but pretty sure we have all seen a movie or heard stories of what you really have to do to get a ride from a truck driver. Thanks, but no thanks! I was floored that he got off at the last stop of the ride free area ( I seriously need a sarcasm font).
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Only me
So I completely forgot to blog yesterday so I am taking time out of my lunch break to make sure I get this one in...you're welcome followers! :)
I am completely convinced that I have some sort of magnet on me that only attracts smelly people! I cannot be on a bus without someone sitting next to me that smells like smoke, BO, booze, and bad cologne. Its unbelievable and I am sure that most of you will be jealous of me!!
This lady on my Monday bus (she has been a topic in a past blog as the lady that gets on the bus and yells, "seat! seat!") who is just a complete gem smells like the worst stale cigarette smoke ever. I am talking like it smells like she fluffs her clothes with her ashtray. It smells like she has been smoking since she exited the womb. Bottom line, she SMELLS! She heaves herself onto the bus and, of course, sits right next to me. I had to sit the entire bus ride with my hand under my nose as I was about to gag. She saw me doing that and got a little miffed. Sorry lady if you are offended, but so am I! Put the pack of Camels down and learn how to work the washing machine!!
On my afternoon bus, a guy gets on the bus who smells like booze, cigarettes, and bad cologne...basically, the triffecta from hell!! And of course, the guy sits right next to me! I mean, there are always a ton of open seats on the bus so there is no reason anyone needs to be sitting that close to me. I am going to have to start breaking my own rule and put my purse next to me. I need a buffer!!
Ugh
I am completely convinced that I have some sort of magnet on me that only attracts smelly people! I cannot be on a bus without someone sitting next to me that smells like smoke, BO, booze, and bad cologne. Its unbelievable and I am sure that most of you will be jealous of me!!
This lady on my Monday bus (she has been a topic in a past blog as the lady that gets on the bus and yells, "seat! seat!") who is just a complete gem smells like the worst stale cigarette smoke ever. I am talking like it smells like she fluffs her clothes with her ashtray. It smells like she has been smoking since she exited the womb. Bottom line, she SMELLS! She heaves herself onto the bus and, of course, sits right next to me. I had to sit the entire bus ride with my hand under my nose as I was about to gag. She saw me doing that and got a little miffed. Sorry lady if you are offended, but so am I! Put the pack of Camels down and learn how to work the washing machine!!
On my afternoon bus, a guy gets on the bus who smells like booze, cigarettes, and bad cologne...basically, the triffecta from hell!! And of course, the guy sits right next to me! I mean, there are always a ton of open seats on the bus so there is no reason anyone needs to be sitting that close to me. I am going to have to start breaking my own rule and put my purse next to me. I need a buffer!!
Ugh
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Just another day...
I dont usually have to write about my morning bus as it doesnt originate downtown or in the free ride area, but there were a couple of interesting characters on it the morning. They definitely seemed like the odd couple so hopefully I can do them justice!
Guy 1
Guy 1
- 5' tall
- shaved head
- missing the four front teeth
- tattoo of a tear drop on his face
- wearing 'jeans' that had elastic around the ankles - I have no words for this
Guy 2
- average height
- shaved head
- glasses
- had that nerdy glow about him
- dressed like a bus boy
- tattoos on his knuckles - this is just doesnt fit with the rest of this guy
So these two are sitting there and were talking about the best ways to punch people complete with giving demonstrations on their hands...needless to say, I learned a lot! This seemed really strange coming from a nerd and a guy whose feet didnt even touch the floor of the bus!! They also both had that 'white boy trying to be a gansta' speak about them. The 2 guys in suits sitting on either side of them just kept rolling their eyes...at least I am not alone with my judgy opinions:)
This afternoon's bus ride was much milder. I got one of those annoying bus drivers who actually really likes his job and greeted everyone with, "Welcome aboard!"...too much. Lets not sugar coat it dude...no one is excited to be on here and you saying that doenst make it better, it makes it worse! Lets call a spade a spade...the bus blows.
There was this lady sitting across from me who looked fairly normal, but maybe had a rough day. I was watching her and she was staring out the window and then her eyes closed for 2 seconds. She then woke up violently and had a surprised/deer in headlights look. Listen lady, 2 seconds isnt long enough to be shocked at where you are when you wake up. ..lets keep the acting to a minimum.
Oh the joys...
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
And I am back!
Well hello friends and followers! I am back from my crazy weeks of traveling which means I will be back to blogging (which I am sure is what you are the most concerned with).
While I was in NY for a week, I spent about 3 days in NYC and let me tell you...NYC ain't got nothing on Seattle in the way of crazies!! I even rode the subway and found nothing that was as entertaining as the bus ride in downtown Seattle. I have mixed feelings about this. Isnt NYC supposed to be the mecca for the crazies?! Is Seattle the new NYC?! I mean, I am going to have to stew on this...
So the weather was actually nice in Seattle today so I had the pleasure of walking home in the semi-warm sunlight. As I was walking, everything seemed to be normal downtown (of course normal is a relative term for downtown). As I am walking past a typical hippie-hipster coffee shop, there is a 'gentleman' sitting outside. I walk past and the guy goes, "No socks...humph". I am sorry...what dude?! Did you just scoff at my outfit?! Clearly you dont know who you are dealing with here. I am in ankle pants and flats, it would be inappropriate to wear socks. Plus, if there is 10 years worth of dirt on your clothes, you are not allowed to have an opinion on fashion. Almost ruined the beautiful day...almost
While I was in NY for a week, I spent about 3 days in NYC and let me tell you...NYC ain't got nothing on Seattle in the way of crazies!! I even rode the subway and found nothing that was as entertaining as the bus ride in downtown Seattle. I have mixed feelings about this. Isnt NYC supposed to be the mecca for the crazies?! Is Seattle the new NYC?! I mean, I am going to have to stew on this...
So the weather was actually nice in Seattle today so I had the pleasure of walking home in the semi-warm sunlight. As I was walking, everything seemed to be normal downtown (of course normal is a relative term for downtown). As I am walking past a typical hippie-hipster coffee shop, there is a 'gentleman' sitting outside. I walk past and the guy goes, "No socks...humph". I am sorry...what dude?! Did you just scoff at my outfit?! Clearly you dont know who you are dealing with here. I am in ankle pants and flats, it would be inappropriate to wear socks. Plus, if there is 10 years worth of dirt on your clothes, you are not allowed to have an opinion on fashion. Almost ruined the beautiful day...almost
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Such a cluster...
So I know I have been a little MIA on this and I do apologize. I was in Denver for work. I will give everyone a heads up too...I will be out all next week on vacation in New York I better make this a good one!!
So as I am walking to the bus stop, I look over and a woman with a walker stops in the middle of the street to bend over and pick up 2 pebbles. Really?! I have concerns as I feel that this lady is one of the fakers who like to use their walker/wheelchair out of pure laziness. Also, she might not be all there upstairs (who am I kidding, unless you are in a suit or a tourist, you are probably a little off your rocker downtown) as she is wearing the rainbow which includes elastic bottom sweats which have to be at least 15 years old, props lady! Why does she need pebbles?! I could understand if she was leaning over to pick up change, but rocks...lets get real sister, you arent composing some abstract piece of art in your home or adding them to your zen garden. Whatevs, 1 person's trash...
As I get on the bus, I feel it is more disgusting then ever! People are coughing and collectively this group may have 1 shower between them all. It seems worse than usual. We go one stop and another Motley Crue gets on (and not the one with Tommy Lee), which includes another fake wheelchair/walker lady PLUS a lady in a motorized wheelchair. The lady in the motorized wheelchair is also a faker as I have seen her walk on the bus before. How do I know this you may be asking yourself? Well its cause she has eyes that go in 2 different directions, a lisp, and doesnt own a brush. If you know me, you know those are things I cant forget! I am not sure what is Seattle's deal with the laziness, but it is concerning. I think they are using these things to get sympathy and a better seat on the bus...I will be amending my rules soon I am sure.
Googley-Eyes then starts up a conversation with a lady who, I am pretty sure, just hacked up her lung...like I said, extra disgusting bus ride! They then start talking about counterfeit cigars...wtf?! You have got to be kidding me. They start going on about how they taste the same, have the same labels, and same numbers, etc. Did I miss a step?! I know about the fake purses, DVDs, and jeans, but cigars?! Can that even be done?! And really ladies, we need to be concerning ourselves with fake cigars? Pretty sure a brush and some Robitussin would be a lot more beneficial to you at this moment in your lives. Priorities ladies!
So as I am walking to the bus stop, I look over and a woman with a walker stops in the middle of the street to bend over and pick up 2 pebbles. Really?! I have concerns as I feel that this lady is one of the fakers who like to use their walker/wheelchair out of pure laziness. Also, she might not be all there upstairs (who am I kidding, unless you are in a suit or a tourist, you are probably a little off your rocker downtown) as she is wearing the rainbow which includes elastic bottom sweats which have to be at least 15 years old, props lady! Why does she need pebbles?! I could understand if she was leaning over to pick up change, but rocks...lets get real sister, you arent composing some abstract piece of art in your home or adding them to your zen garden. Whatevs, 1 person's trash...
As I get on the bus, I feel it is more disgusting then ever! People are coughing and collectively this group may have 1 shower between them all. It seems worse than usual. We go one stop and another Motley Crue gets on (and not the one with Tommy Lee), which includes another fake wheelchair/walker lady PLUS a lady in a motorized wheelchair. The lady in the motorized wheelchair is also a faker as I have seen her walk on the bus before. How do I know this you may be asking yourself? Well its cause she has eyes that go in 2 different directions, a lisp, and doesnt own a brush. If you know me, you know those are things I cant forget! I am not sure what is Seattle's deal with the laziness, but it is concerning. I think they are using these things to get sympathy and a better seat on the bus...I will be amending my rules soon I am sure.
Googley-Eyes then starts up a conversation with a lady who, I am pretty sure, just hacked up her lung...like I said, extra disgusting bus ride! They then start talking about counterfeit cigars...wtf?! You have got to be kidding me. They start going on about how they taste the same, have the same labels, and same numbers, etc. Did I miss a step?! I know about the fake purses, DVDs, and jeans, but cigars?! Can that even be done?! And really ladies, we need to be concerning ourselves with fake cigars? Pretty sure a brush and some Robitussin would be a lot more beneficial to you at this moment in your lives. Priorities ladies!
Monday, March 28, 2011
High rollers
So I get on the bus today and at the next stop after mine a bunch of ladies get on. They start talking about how busy it is downtown and wondering why. One says, "no one won the lottery as a person in NYC did". Ok...let me see if I follow that logic: if someone in Seattle had won the lottery, that would explain why it was busy? Pretty sure if that was the case, I dont think a lottery winner would be handing out their winnings to strangers in the city.
They then start talking about how they dont play the lottery as they couldnt imagine giving a winner one of their hard earned dollars. I can understand that logic. I was just about to stop paying attention as they weren't that crazy, when one of them said the following: "I can win much more in the casino". Again ladies, let me see if I can catch myself up with your logic...you would rather spend $20 to win $100 versus spending $1 for the lotto to win multi-millions. I understand your odds are better with the casino, but lets re-phrase that last statement. Then they start bragging about how much they win. "I won $200 the other day." "I hit 5 jackpots in a row on the slots" Ok ladies, now I am going to have to call BS on these statements. Neither of you is wearing clean clothes and your last shower, I am sure, is a distant memory. If you are winning all this money, you sure have an interesting way of spending it. Not that it is a bad thing...hell, I get an extra $100 and I am at Nordstrom.
They then start talking about how they dont play the lottery as they couldnt imagine giving a winner one of their hard earned dollars. I can understand that logic. I was just about to stop paying attention as they weren't that crazy, when one of them said the following: "I can win much more in the casino". Again ladies, let me see if I can catch myself up with your logic...you would rather spend $20 to win $100 versus spending $1 for the lotto to win multi-millions. I understand your odds are better with the casino, but lets re-phrase that last statement. Then they start bragging about how much they win. "I won $200 the other day." "I hit 5 jackpots in a row on the slots" Ok ladies, now I am going to have to call BS on these statements. Neither of you is wearing clean clothes and your last shower, I am sure, is a distant memory. If you are winning all this money, you sure have an interesting way of spending it. Not that it is a bad thing...hell, I get an extra $100 and I am at Nordstrom.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Karma
Ok so the bus was awesome (only in the fact that I have stories to share:)) today!
Every now and again, the bus does something to me and I am convinced it knows that I talk shit about it in my blog. I have been splashed and left at a bus stop. Today, I got on and the wheelchair seat was up. It took me about 6 tries to get this thing down even after using two hands. I get it bus...you have to win sometimes.
I get on the bus and the familiar smell of stale booze is lingering in the air. Usually, when this happens I can scan the bus and easily find the person whose pores the booze is seeping out of. After a quick scan, I do not see anyone who fits the normal boozey-profile. I then look and in the very front corner of the bus, there is a guy completely passed out with a suitcase at his feet. I found the culprit! I get my phone out to take a picture (always thinking of my readers) and the bus stops and everyone crowds the front. The bus driver then starts yelling and shaking this guy to get up as this is his apparent stop. Rip Van Winkle does not move. I start freaking out. I mean, I have prepared myself that I will probably see someone who has passed away on my bus, but I was not thinking it was going to be today! The gal next to him starts shaking him too and he is still not moving. Great...a dead body means the bus will not continue for a long while and it has just started raining. The gal gets up and starts yelling and shaking him. Thanks for helping chica, but step 1, pull up your pants...crack kills. Finally, the guy moves to indicate he is alive. Well, he opens his eyes and then closes them again. I have watched enough Interventions in my day to know that coming off whatever substance he is on, is not fun. The bus driver then starts to get pissed and threatens he is "going to call someone and have him reported." Umm...what?! Bus drivers can do that?! The guy with the pee bag would have been number 1 on my list to report...who cares if RVW is taking a snooze!! Clearly, this bus driver is a little to particular and not used to the folks on this bus route...I should have given him my blog address.
The guy finally decides to get moving and the pansy bus driver and the crack-girl have a conversation about how sad that is and some other crack. Trust me you two, 1 week on this bus route and you wont think twice about someone passed out...you will just be happy they are quiet!
Then a guy and his girlfriend get on the bus and the dude is blatantly holding the tail end of a joint aka a roach (I told you, I watch a lot of Intervention:)). I'm sorry dude, did the bus interrupt your session...good thing you are saving that for later. Of course, the stoners took the bus two blocks...lazy asses!
Every now and again, the bus does something to me and I am convinced it knows that I talk shit about it in my blog. I have been splashed and left at a bus stop. Today, I got on and the wheelchair seat was up. It took me about 6 tries to get this thing down even after using two hands. I get it bus...you have to win sometimes.
I get on the bus and the familiar smell of stale booze is lingering in the air. Usually, when this happens I can scan the bus and easily find the person whose pores the booze is seeping out of. After a quick scan, I do not see anyone who fits the normal boozey-profile. I then look and in the very front corner of the bus, there is a guy completely passed out with a suitcase at his feet. I found the culprit! I get my phone out to take a picture (always thinking of my readers) and the bus stops and everyone crowds the front. The bus driver then starts yelling and shaking this guy to get up as this is his apparent stop. Rip Van Winkle does not move. I start freaking out. I mean, I have prepared myself that I will probably see someone who has passed away on my bus, but I was not thinking it was going to be today! The gal next to him starts shaking him too and he is still not moving. Great...a dead body means the bus will not continue for a long while and it has just started raining. The gal gets up and starts yelling and shaking him. Thanks for helping chica, but step 1, pull up your pants...crack kills. Finally, the guy moves to indicate he is alive. Well, he opens his eyes and then closes them again. I have watched enough Interventions in my day to know that coming off whatever substance he is on, is not fun. The bus driver then starts to get pissed and threatens he is "going to call someone and have him reported." Umm...what?! Bus drivers can do that?! The guy with the pee bag would have been number 1 on my list to report...who cares if RVW is taking a snooze!! Clearly, this bus driver is a little to particular and not used to the folks on this bus route...I should have given him my blog address.
The guy finally decides to get moving and the pansy bus driver and the crack-girl have a conversation about how sad that is and some other crack. Trust me you two, 1 week on this bus route and you wont think twice about someone passed out...you will just be happy they are quiet!
Then a guy and his girlfriend get on the bus and the dude is blatantly holding the tail end of a joint aka a roach (I told you, I watch a lot of Intervention:)). I'm sorry dude, did the bus interrupt your session...good thing you are saving that for later. Of course, the stoners took the bus two blocks...lazy asses!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Seattle by foot
So the last two days it has actually been nice in Seattle. Now, obviously nice is a relative term as nice in Seattle means not raining. I took advantage of the weather and walked home. I actually think that when the weather becomes nice all the time it will be even more entertaining then the bus. Here are some quick hits from what I encountered:
- A woman (I use this term loosely) on the side of the street playing a recorder - now I am all for bringing a little culture/music to the crazies, but dude, 2nd grade called...it needs its instrument back
- The most frightening woman I have ever seen - I am walking down and around a corner comes this woman (I am going to try to do this justice) who had shaven the front half of her hair and pulled the rest back in a ponytail. She had a large, round face and upon that face she had painted it. The paint consisted of small, squiggles in various colors - pink, green, red, blue. They squiggles and lines were all over her face including on the eyelids. She appeared to be dressed in blankets and had a frown on her face. She needs to fire her stylist
Monday, March 14, 2011
Distance makes the heart...
I know that there was no blog last week and I do apologize for that. In all honesty, it was a boring week on the bus. This Monday, however, was not.
The bus ride starts this afternoon when I entered the bus to a frightening face. There was an old man sitting at the first seat as I rounded the corner. He was peering through the bars with the creepiest grin on his face. That, combined with the fact that he had long, white hair, made him look like a possessed Moses. It scared the crap out of me and, instinctively, I said, "Jesus". I half thought he was going to reply back, "yes?".
I then look down the aisle for a seat and see this jewel:
If you have been following my blog, I am sure you can guess my thoughts on this. If you haven't been following, its time to start. This guy is unbelievable! Go ahead and make yourself comfy there Princess...can we get you anything? Pillow? Cocktail? Whatever you need, this is your bus and we are just privileged to be on it. UN-FREAKING-REAL! To top it all off, the buss was rather full and Princess Fat Ass was taking up 3 seats. Wouldn't even move for a woman and her child...and who says chivalry is dead?!
I was fuming at this point and the rest of the bus ride consisted of the usual:
The bus ride starts this afternoon when I entered the bus to a frightening face. There was an old man sitting at the first seat as I rounded the corner. He was peering through the bars with the creepiest grin on his face. That, combined with the fact that he had long, white hair, made him look like a possessed Moses. It scared the crap out of me and, instinctively, I said, "Jesus". I half thought he was going to reply back, "yes?".
I then look down the aisle for a seat and see this jewel:
I was fuming at this point and the rest of the bus ride consisted of the usual:
- guy playing loud music on the bus, followed by the bus driver yelling
- a guy in a wheelchair and old fatigues gets on...he doesn't need a wheelchair
- a crazy guy gets on the bus and starts ranting about how he is the best bus rider cause he always waits for people to get off before getting on...sure
Oh Monday...how you never disappoint
Monday, February 28, 2011
Holy Moly
Well, Monday definitely made its presence known today on the bus. I honestly am not sure if I am even going to be able to do this story justice.
As a warning, this blog is Rated-R
So I get on the bus and it seems pretty harmless (I didnt know, but this was the calm before the storm). At the first stop, a bunch of people get on the bus, including a mother and her 4 year old child and then the bus driver started putting the wheel chair lift down. Again, nothing out of the norm.
I am sitting pretty close to the front and I can see the guy that is attempting to get on the wheelchair lift. Let me see if I can describe him accurately:
-bandages around both feet that are not secured and are flopping around
-dirty clothes
-hasnt seen a shower since Vanilla Ice had a hit song
-could smell the booze and the cigarettes from 8' away
So the guy gets on the ramp and cannot seem to roll himself forward. I am not sure what is so tricky about this...you seem to just move the wheels and it rolls forward, but hey, what do I know. At this point, the guy's pee bag falls onto the ground. Let me repeat that. The medical bag that contained his urine, fell onto the floor. At this point, I am thinking this guy is right up there with Boob Rat. The poor bus driver, had to reach over and pull him onto the bus. He starts rolling down the aisle (he can roll now, but not a moment ago...wtf?) and his gnarly bandaged feet are waiving everywhere...beyond disgusting. He then starts mumbling typical Seattle crazy rantings, "Fucking Communists....such bullshit....I'll show them...fucking-a". As he is rolling past me, I almost get knocked over with the smell of booze...I mean, he smells like an entire frat house after rush week. At this point, I would like to remind you that there is a 4 year old sitting within earshot of this guy...I am sure he is scarred for life.
Behind Pee Guy, comes another very nice woman with a walker (she obviously carries it onto the bus without even using it, but that is pretty standard now a days and that issue has been addressed in previous blogs). She sits down and says hi to Pee Guy and reminds him that she is so-and-so's wife, Marlene. This gal is of African American decent and Pee Guy looks up and says, "oh yeah, Marlene...I dont mind having me a black woman." Nice moves Pee Guy. She is being polite and humoring him and then he says, "Before I looked up, I thought you were Marlene with the nice body, but I guess not" Wow, Pee Guy will now be referred to as Casanova. He continues swearing and then looks at Not-Hot Marlene and says, "Marlene, I would like 22, 24, 26, and 28 black hookers to service me" Whats with the numbers Casanova?! Are you looking at a Chinese menu to order your hookers? I shit you not this is actually happening on the bus. Marlene then gets pissed, rightfully so, and starts yelling at him for asking her to solicit prostitution and then threatens him that he husband is going to kick his ass. Yeah, NH Marlene...I am sure he will learn his lesson then...he is so wasted he probably wouldnt notice if he got pushed into he Sound. She then throws him under the bus (no pun intended) and says that she knows he really can walk and calls his wheelchair bullshit. Now NH Marlene, those in glass houses shouldnt throw stones...pretty sure that your walker is just for show. Dear Lord, get me off this bus.
Thank god Casanova got off at the next stop (he realized right after he got on that he was on the wrong bus...sure). I look around and the entire bus is saying things like, "I have seen everything now". I respond with, "I've seen worse." The girl next to me looks absolutely horrified and I say out loud, "I hate the bus". She looked relieved and wondered if it was always this bad as she just moved from Bellingham where the only people who took the bus were students. I then proceeded to tell her that it is usually pretty bad and that I started a blog about my bus adventures. She asked for the blog address and if she is reading, Hey Caitlin!!
As a warning, this blog is Rated-R
So I get on the bus and it seems pretty harmless (I didnt know, but this was the calm before the storm). At the first stop, a bunch of people get on the bus, including a mother and her 4 year old child and then the bus driver started putting the wheel chair lift down. Again, nothing out of the norm.
I am sitting pretty close to the front and I can see the guy that is attempting to get on the wheelchair lift. Let me see if I can describe him accurately:
-bandages around both feet that are not secured and are flopping around
-dirty clothes
-hasnt seen a shower since Vanilla Ice had a hit song
-could smell the booze and the cigarettes from 8' away
So the guy gets on the ramp and cannot seem to roll himself forward. I am not sure what is so tricky about this...you seem to just move the wheels and it rolls forward, but hey, what do I know. At this point, the guy's pee bag falls onto the ground. Let me repeat that. The medical bag that contained his urine, fell onto the floor. At this point, I am thinking this guy is right up there with Boob Rat. The poor bus driver, had to reach over and pull him onto the bus. He starts rolling down the aisle (he can roll now, but not a moment ago...wtf?) and his gnarly bandaged feet are waiving everywhere...beyond disgusting. He then starts mumbling typical Seattle crazy rantings, "Fucking Communists....such bullshit....I'll show them...fucking-a". As he is rolling past me, I almost get knocked over with the smell of booze...I mean, he smells like an entire frat house after rush week. At this point, I would like to remind you that there is a 4 year old sitting within earshot of this guy...I am sure he is scarred for life.
Behind Pee Guy, comes another very nice woman with a walker (she obviously carries it onto the bus without even using it, but that is pretty standard now a days and that issue has been addressed in previous blogs). She sits down and says hi to Pee Guy and reminds him that she is so-and-so's wife, Marlene. This gal is of African American decent and Pee Guy looks up and says, "oh yeah, Marlene...I dont mind having me a black woman." Nice moves Pee Guy. She is being polite and humoring him and then he says, "Before I looked up, I thought you were Marlene with the nice body, but I guess not" Wow, Pee Guy will now be referred to as Casanova. He continues swearing and then looks at Not-Hot Marlene and says, "Marlene, I would like 22, 24, 26, and 28 black hookers to service me" Whats with the numbers Casanova?! Are you looking at a Chinese menu to order your hookers? I shit you not this is actually happening on the bus. Marlene then gets pissed, rightfully so, and starts yelling at him for asking her to solicit prostitution and then threatens him that he husband is going to kick his ass. Yeah, NH Marlene...I am sure he will learn his lesson then...he is so wasted he probably wouldnt notice if he got pushed into he Sound. She then throws him under the bus (no pun intended) and says that she knows he really can walk and calls his wheelchair bullshit. Now NH Marlene, those in glass houses shouldnt throw stones...pretty sure that your walker is just for show. Dear Lord, get me off this bus.
Thank god Casanova got off at the next stop (he realized right after he got on that he was on the wrong bus...sure). I look around and the entire bus is saying things like, "I have seen everything now". I respond with, "I've seen worse." The girl next to me looks absolutely horrified and I say out loud, "I hate the bus". She looked relieved and wondered if it was always this bad as she just moved from Bellingham where the only people who took the bus were students. I then proceeded to tell her that it is usually pretty bad and that I started a blog about my bus adventures. She asked for the blog address and if she is reading, Hey Caitlin!!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Say what?
I get on the bus today and am not shocked to see that the bus is nearly empty. It snowed today so, being the NW, everyone freaked out and didnt come to work. I was a little worried that I would have nothing to blog about. Every time I am about to lose faith in the craziness of the bus, Seattle always seems to reach in its pocket and send me some of its finest citizens.
So a 'gentleman' gets on the bus and sits right next to the driver. There is one of these on almost every bus...someone who thinks they are BFF with the bus driver. He starts talking to the driver about routes and other crap. Yeah buddy, that's what we want to do, distract the guy operating the very large vehicle...good call. At the same driver the Fred Friendly hops, another couple walk forward from the back with a small child. They are not the smallest couple and as the guy sits down, the bench actually moves (that is not judgment, that is fact). They ask if the bus stops at Lenora St. Fred Friendly chimes in, obviously, to say that it stops all over 3rd Ave...interesting way to put it Fred, but that is true. So the couple sit down and start having a conversation. Now, I am 99.9% sure they were speaking English, but I have no idea what they are talking about! I can make out the following words:
home-girl
man
receipt
man
house
respectful
I was fascinated by this as they were also, from what I can tell, turning complete sentences into a single word! I was mesmerized by the talent of this and at the same time, wondering who could understand this?! I immediately got my answer. Fred Friendly chimed in with a, "oh no she didnt!" Fred meet the Non-Sensical twins. Then all 3 of them started talking and, ironically, I could understand Fred so I gathered that a girl who was spoken for was going over to a house that had guys there that weren't her significant other. Obviously, it was not said in such a fashion. The duo and their child get off and we are left with the rantings of Fred.
I feel so bad for the bus driver. Fred is chatting his ear off complaining about another bus driver who kicked him off the bus cause he had no money to pay the fare. The nerve of that bus driver!!! Then asks the driver his name and says that he finds it respectful to call the bus drivers by name since they take him from place to place. A respectful crazy...that's a new twist. Fred then lays into a blond joke:
So a blond finds out she is pregnant...first thing she asks is, "is it mine?"
So a 'gentleman' gets on the bus and sits right next to the driver. There is one of these on almost every bus...someone who thinks they are BFF with the bus driver. He starts talking to the driver about routes and other crap. Yeah buddy, that's what we want to do, distract the guy operating the very large vehicle...good call. At the same driver the Fred Friendly hops, another couple walk forward from the back with a small child. They are not the smallest couple and as the guy sits down, the bench actually moves (that is not judgment, that is fact). They ask if the bus stops at Lenora St. Fred Friendly chimes in, obviously, to say that it stops all over 3rd Ave...interesting way to put it Fred, but that is true. So the couple sit down and start having a conversation. Now, I am 99.9% sure they were speaking English, but I have no idea what they are talking about! I can make out the following words:
home-girl
man
receipt
man
house
respectful
I was fascinated by this as they were also, from what I can tell, turning complete sentences into a single word! I was mesmerized by the talent of this and at the same time, wondering who could understand this?! I immediately got my answer. Fred Friendly chimed in with a, "oh no she didnt!" Fred meet the Non-Sensical twins. Then all 3 of them started talking and, ironically, I could understand Fred so I gathered that a girl who was spoken for was going over to a house that had guys there that weren't her significant other. Obviously, it was not said in such a fashion. The duo and their child get off and we are left with the rantings of Fred.
I feel so bad for the bus driver. Fred is chatting his ear off complaining about another bus driver who kicked him off the bus cause he had no money to pay the fare. The nerve of that bus driver!!! Then asks the driver his name and says that he finds it respectful to call the bus drivers by name since they take him from place to place. A respectful crazy...that's a new twist. Fred then lays into a blond joke:
So a blond finds out she is pregnant...first thing she asks is, "is it mine?"
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Short but sweet
So my bus was not very exciting today. I am sure it is due to everyone hearing the word snow and freaking out and leaving work early....welcome to the NW. However, I did have this one gem:
Some things to note about my bus friend:
- Please note the sandals. Stylish? Debatable Practical? Not in the least. Did I mention it was snowing? At least he is not wearing socks
- Check out what he is using to rock out to tunes. It is a friggin' tape player!!! I am not kidding you, I about died! Its a fossil!!! Where does he pick up his tapes? I can only hope someone has made him a rockin' mix-tape. What was even more interesting is that he is using iPod headphones with it. So close...so, so close there buddy
- He was listening to Levon by Elton John. How do I know this you ask? Well, he was listening to it so loud out of his headphones, I was literally singing along. I mean, I am pretty sure that my father could have even heard this track (love you Daddy!!). Really dude?! You are on the bus and I am sure you have enough problems to worry about, pretty sure we dont need to add on hearing loss. I love Sir Elton John so I will not be knocking his choice of tunes, but not everyone on the bus might share my exceptional taste in music.
I am really close to getting caught taking these pictures...
Monday, February 21, 2011
Happy Holidays
Well, I am back and luckily I am back with a vengeance. I know I didnt blog last week so I am going to make it up to you all by including a photo! I apologize for my absence and promise to not do it again.
So I get on the bus this afternoon after a non-eventful day at work (thank you former presidents), to find this pair sitting on the bus:
It's kinda creepy cause it's like he knows that I took the picture...I do not appreciate a side eye. I hope you can take notice of the gal's ears. That big black thinks is hanging from her stretched earlobes. Now, I am all for piercings and tattoos, but that just cannot be comfortable and slightly dangerous. I wonder how many times she hits herself in the face? Also, I am pretty sure that dread locks are the nastiest things on earth...blech!! Just as another FYI, that is not a turtleneck, my friends, but a neck tattoo...sure.
After Brangalina got off the bus, a little girl was getting on the bus and was making the bus driver wait as her mom was coming. I would say that this girl was about 13 and obviously had an iPhone...sure. She was standing at the entrance of the bus and there was no mother to be found. The bus driver kept saying that we had to get going and gave the girl 10 more seconds...and counted it down! So time runs up and instead of getting off the bus and waiting for her mother, she gets on and we go on our merry way. Now, I found this to be really ballsy...if I had left my mother like that and gotten on a downtown Seattle bus alone, I might still be grounded. So we continue and the girl calls her mom (the iPhone is so handy). She keeps saying, "I am on bus 18...18...bus 18" We stop at the next stop and a woman enters and starts yelling at the girl. Oh hello long lost mother. She had gotten on another bus and was yelling at this poor girl cause she thought she was on 18. I looked and the bus she had gotten on was 3. Really lady?! I can give you getting on 15 or 16 thinking it was 18, but 3?! That's not even the same amount of numbers. The mother then gets up and moves to sit away from her daughter!! That is cold Mom...just straight cold. You made a mistake and blamed your daughter...well played. As the mom walked toward me, she had Summer teeth and crossed eyes...everything then made sense.
So I get on the bus this afternoon after a non-eventful day at work (thank you former presidents), to find this pair sitting on the bus:
After Brangalina got off the bus, a little girl was getting on the bus and was making the bus driver wait as her mom was coming. I would say that this girl was about 13 and obviously had an iPhone...sure. She was standing at the entrance of the bus and there was no mother to be found. The bus driver kept saying that we had to get going and gave the girl 10 more seconds...and counted it down! So time runs up and instead of getting off the bus and waiting for her mother, she gets on and we go on our merry way. Now, I found this to be really ballsy...if I had left my mother like that and gotten on a downtown Seattle bus alone, I might still be grounded. So we continue and the girl calls her mom (the iPhone is so handy). She keeps saying, "I am on bus 18...18...bus 18" We stop at the next stop and a woman enters and starts yelling at the girl. Oh hello long lost mother. She had gotten on another bus and was yelling at this poor girl cause she thought she was on 18. I looked and the bus she had gotten on was 3. Really lady?! I can give you getting on 15 or 16 thinking it was 18, but 3?! That's not even the same amount of numbers. The mother then gets up and moves to sit away from her daughter!! That is cold Mom...just straight cold. You made a mistake and blamed your daughter...well played. As the mom walked toward me, she had Summer teeth and crossed eyes...everything then made sense.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Quick hits
Just thought I would give a bulleted update on my day on public transit.
- my morning bus drivers are forgetting the fact that they are actually driving a bus. Hello buddy, this is not a mini-cooper nor does it handle like one! Good Lord
- this woman gets on my bus in the morning and, while she is not the smallest woman, she seems to have full use of her legs. She walks on the bus, which is pretty fully, screaming, "SEAT....SEAT...SEAT". Umm lady, you are not over the age of 60 nor are you handicapped and having a fat, lazy ass does not entitle you to a seat!! It is way to early for your screeching so walk your ass to the back and sit down! The best part of this broad is she got off the next stop!! She seriously had the gall to ask people to leave so she could ride the bus for 2 blocks! UNREAL!!
- On my afternoon bus there was a guy that was on the bus that took up the handicap seat for his friggin' dolly! I wanted to capture a picture folks, but the seats across from him were occupied as his stupid dolly was taking up 3 seats. I am not not talking like his dolly that he is using to move something...I am talking about a dolly that is carrying his possessions around and is decorated with war crap. Buddy, you are taking the city bus...pretty sure you dont need that much crap in a day!!
and thus ends another delightful week
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Brain Trust
Well, I know some of you might be a little bummed that I havent been blogging enough and I will apologize for that. Its been a little crazy here and I promise that things will get back to normal....starting right now!
Warning: this blog is rated PG-13 due to language and a serious judgey attitude
As I am waiting at my new bus stop (which I am not a fan of) to go home today, I see just a lovely couple walking by (I desperately need a sarcasm font!!!). I am pretty sure the number of meth sores between the two of them equaled their IQ level as I think they need to share a brain in order to even order coffee (I do not feel bad talking poorly about people with drug problems as they have created their own problems...exit soap box). I hear the guy say to his woman in slurred speech of course, "...I told him he was a fucking piece of shit!" Umm, pot?...yeah, hey its kettle. Pretty sure you shouldnt be throwing stones there buddy as I am willing to bet that you are not nominated for GQ Man of the Year!!
The bus comes and I just cant wait to see what will await me today! (I might need to just pick a font and designate it as sarcasm font) The bus folk seem oddly normal today which was refreshing. We are still in the ride free area when two people get on the bus. This is the conversation that ensues as the gentleman goes to pay:
Bus driver: You dont pay now, you pay later...its the ride free area
Dude: How much is it?
Bus driver: You dont pay now
Dude: How much is it for us to ride?
Bus driver: $2.50 each
Dude: So $5 total?
No Dude...here on bus 18 we do a different kind of math. You take $2.50 divide by 18 and multiply by the square roof of pi...we are a sophisticated bus. Yes of course its $5 total genius!! Unless I missed a memo $2.50 + $2.50 still equals $5.
Ugh, and this is my life
Warning: this blog is rated PG-13 due to language and a serious judgey attitude
As I am waiting at my new bus stop (which I am not a fan of) to go home today, I see just a lovely couple walking by (I desperately need a sarcasm font!!!). I am pretty sure the number of meth sores between the two of them equaled their IQ level as I think they need to share a brain in order to even order coffee (I do not feel bad talking poorly about people with drug problems as they have created their own problems...exit soap box). I hear the guy say to his woman in slurred speech of course, "...I told him he was a fucking piece of shit!" Umm, pot?...yeah, hey its kettle. Pretty sure you shouldnt be throwing stones there buddy as I am willing to bet that you are not nominated for GQ Man of the Year!!
The bus comes and I just cant wait to see what will await me today! (I might need to just pick a font and designate it as sarcasm font) The bus folk seem oddly normal today which was refreshing. We are still in the ride free area when two people get on the bus. This is the conversation that ensues as the gentleman goes to pay:
Bus driver: You dont pay now, you pay later...its the ride free area
Dude: How much is it?
Bus driver: You dont pay now
Dude: How much is it for us to ride?
Bus driver: $2.50 each
Dude: So $5 total?
No Dude...here on bus 18 we do a different kind of math. You take $2.50 divide by 18 and multiply by the square roof of pi...we are a sophisticated bus. Yes of course its $5 total genius!! Unless I missed a memo $2.50 + $2.50 still equals $5.
Ugh, and this is my life
Monday, February 7, 2011
Dislike
I am sure you are reading the title of the blog and thinking "duh", but my creativity is running at a minimum today so just bear with me.
Well, I started my new route on the bus today and I cannot stand it. I know I have been spoiled to the fact that it sued to pick me up right outside my office door, and the fact that I have a 7 minute bus ride, but now I have to walk up one of Seattle's infamous hills. Ugh, this is not fun in the rain or in heels...dislike. Luckily there will still be some of Seattle's upstanding citizens on this bus route!
So I get on the bus and, of course, there is someone talking on their cell phone. This gal brings it to a new level of annoyance as she is talking in another language. I mean, really?! If you are going to be obnoxious and talk on the phone and break the rules, then I want to at least be able to eavesdrop!!
At the next stop, a guy gets on the bus after first putting his bike on the rack. Dont even get me started on my thoughts on bikers, but bottom line is, I cannot stand them!!! So I am seeing that the person is having a difficult time getting the bike on the rack. Lets go dude, you are holding up the bus and this bus driver is already driving like an 88 year old woman on a cell phone (I work in insurance, I get to say things like that) and I would like to get home at a reasonable hour. So they finally get the bike on and the guy walks on. Now, I am not one to judge (I could barely type that with a straight face), but this guy does not look like you average biker. First of all, he is having the darndest time standing straight. He is swaying back and forth (2 guesses as to what is causing that) and not looking like he is going to stay vertical. He also hasnt showered (shocking) and has a pocket protector. I know that anyone can ride a bike, but seriously, this guy just doesnt look like the next Lance Armstrong. Plus, I am pretty sure he would get a BUI if caught. But I am pretty sure that most people downtown could get some sort of alcohol related citation....ugh
Well, I started my new route on the bus today and I cannot stand it. I know I have been spoiled to the fact that it sued to pick me up right outside my office door, and the fact that I have a 7 minute bus ride, but now I have to walk up one of Seattle's infamous hills. Ugh, this is not fun in the rain or in heels...dislike. Luckily there will still be some of Seattle's upstanding citizens on this bus route!
So I get on the bus and, of course, there is someone talking on their cell phone. This gal brings it to a new level of annoyance as she is talking in another language. I mean, really?! If you are going to be obnoxious and talk on the phone and break the rules, then I want to at least be able to eavesdrop!!
At the next stop, a guy gets on the bus after first putting his bike on the rack. Dont even get me started on my thoughts on bikers, but bottom line is, I cannot stand them!!! So I am seeing that the person is having a difficult time getting the bike on the rack. Lets go dude, you are holding up the bus and this bus driver is already driving like an 88 year old woman on a cell phone (I work in insurance, I get to say things like that) and I would like to get home at a reasonable hour. So they finally get the bike on and the guy walks on. Now, I am not one to judge (I could barely type that with a straight face), but this guy does not look like you average biker. First of all, he is having the darndest time standing straight. He is swaying back and forth (2 guesses as to what is causing that) and not looking like he is going to stay vertical. He also hasnt showered (shocking) and has a pocket protector. I know that anyone can ride a bike, but seriously, this guy just doesnt look like the next Lance Armstrong. Plus, I am pretty sure he would get a BUI if caught. But I am pretty sure that most people downtown could get some sort of alcohol related citation....ugh
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Yappity Yap
Well, I got myself on the bus today. I would have loved to walk as it was a beautiful Seattle day with blue skies and sunshine, however, it was bloody freezing!! Yeah, I said bloody...sometimes I feel like being British!
I get on the bus (it is no surprise that I didnt miss it) and sit down and I gather that it might be a normal day on the bus. Normal in this case is obviously a relative term. All of a sudden I hear a man's voice talking. Super...a dude on his cell phone. Seriously, I just left work where I was on the phone all day...can I please have some peace and quiet! Rule breaking is never tolerated, but it was def not appreciated today. So this guy is yammering on and starts talking about doctor visits and second opinions and jazz...umm, do you realize that this is a public bus and there are tons of people can hear you?! He then proceeds to ask the question, "so how are you?". Oh great dude, lets get into a long conversation and talk about feelings on the bus. He, I might add, is also not talking quietly like you would if you were in the library...he was full blown yelling. I am sure the guy half passed out in the back could repeat his conversation verbatim. Ugh, seriously not in the mood.
To top it off, a woman gets on the bus and proceeds to sit RIGHT next to me when there are a million other seats on the bus. I do not understand why people continuously like to invade my personal space!
BTW...I walked home on 3rd avenue yesterday which will be the route that my new bus will be taking. Do not fear my friends...I can almost guarantee that there will be some brilliant stories that come out of this street:)
I get on the bus (it is no surprise that I didnt miss it) and sit down and I gather that it might be a normal day on the bus. Normal in this case is obviously a relative term. All of a sudden I hear a man's voice talking. Super...a dude on his cell phone. Seriously, I just left work where I was on the phone all day...can I please have some peace and quiet! Rule breaking is never tolerated, but it was def not appreciated today. So this guy is yammering on and starts talking about doctor visits and second opinions and jazz...umm, do you realize that this is a public bus and there are tons of people can hear you?! He then proceeds to ask the question, "so how are you?". Oh great dude, lets get into a long conversation and talk about feelings on the bus. He, I might add, is also not talking quietly like you would if you were in the library...he was full blown yelling. I am sure the guy half passed out in the back could repeat his conversation verbatim. Ugh, seriously not in the mood.
To top it off, a woman gets on the bus and proceeds to sit RIGHT next to me when there are a million other seats on the bus. I do not understand why people continuously like to invade my personal space!
BTW...I walked home on 3rd avenue yesterday which will be the route that my new bus will be taking. Do not fear my friends...I can almost guarantee that there will be some brilliant stories that come out of this street:)
Thursday, January 27, 2011
I love downtown
So the weather has been nice lately so I have walked a couple of days, and I must say, I cannot wait till the weather turns and I get to walk all the time. While the bus folk are interesting and slightly crazy, the people on the street can be equally as entertaining if not more so! Plus, on the street you get to hear all the yelling from people and the ranting and raving that can be missed while sitting in the comforts of the bus. However, the best thing about walking is seeing the reactions of other people on the street, specifically the tourists. How, do you ask, can I spot a tourist? Easy:
-tourists do not jay walk...the literally stand there like schmucks waiting for the light to change while in the mean time, myself and other natives are a block ahead
-tourists glare at the jay walkers...dont get me started
-tourists fear the crazies downtown...they walk to the other side of the street or grip their bags tighter when they walk by them
-tourists have a camera...the stop in the middle of the street to take a picture of some building or something else lame
So as I was walking home, I could see the familiar site of red and blue lights flashing. I was instantly giddy with anticipation....and I was not disappointed! As I approached I saw 4 of Seattle's finest surrounding the hood of their car and heard every profanity in the book! I looked and there is one of Seattle's upstanding citizens sitting on the hood of the car...my guess is it was a woman, but as you know from previous posts, I can never be sure of that. It was screaming and swearing and jerking its head around and the cops were basically just standing their rolling their eyes. I am so entertained and cant help but giggle to myself because it is just another day downtown:) As I look ahead, 4 ladies are just beside themselves with disgust and fear. Calm down ladies...pretty sure the 4 cops that are surrounding it wont let anything happen to you and plus even if it did break loose, I am sure it is so drunk that you could out run it. Bottom line: welcome to Seattle!! I get a few blocks down and see an ambulance headed towards the corner where It was...I can only conclude that it fell off the hood of the car and injured itself or that the cops got sick of dealing with it and pawned it off on the EMTs.
Seriously, it is just so fun sometimes to be downtown and I hope it brings everyone a little comfort knowing that the warm weather will still give me enough material to blog :)
-tourists do not jay walk...the literally stand there like schmucks waiting for the light to change while in the mean time, myself and other natives are a block ahead
-tourists glare at the jay walkers...dont get me started
-tourists fear the crazies downtown...they walk to the other side of the street or grip their bags tighter when they walk by them
-tourists have a camera...the stop in the middle of the street to take a picture of some building or something else lame
So as I was walking home, I could see the familiar site of red and blue lights flashing. I was instantly giddy with anticipation....and I was not disappointed! As I approached I saw 4 of Seattle's finest surrounding the hood of their car and heard every profanity in the book! I looked and there is one of Seattle's upstanding citizens sitting on the hood of the car...my guess is it was a woman, but as you know from previous posts, I can never be sure of that. It was screaming and swearing and jerking its head around and the cops were basically just standing their rolling their eyes. I am so entertained and cant help but giggle to myself because it is just another day downtown:) As I look ahead, 4 ladies are just beside themselves with disgust and fear. Calm down ladies...pretty sure the 4 cops that are surrounding it wont let anything happen to you and plus even if it did break loose, I am sure it is so drunk that you could out run it. Bottom line: welcome to Seattle!! I get a few blocks down and see an ambulance headed towards the corner where It was...I can only conclude that it fell off the hood of the car and injured itself or that the cops got sick of dealing with it and pawned it off on the EMTs.
Seriously, it is just so fun sometimes to be downtown and I hope it brings everyone a little comfort knowing that the warm weather will still give me enough material to blog :)
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
and I am back
I must apologize for being off the radar for about a week! Last week there was nothing crazy that really happened (weird, I know!) and this week has been slightly crazy.
So I get on bus and am immediately distracted by this woman who will not stop fidgeting. She is standing up, tucking in her shirt, picking at her shirt, rolling her sleeves, unrolling her sleeves, and all around just driving me nuts. Either stop taking whatever you are on or lets pop a few more pills before getting on the bus, lady!
At the next stop, a dude gets on the bus and is breaking a rule (I am sure you are all shocked) by talking on the phone. Now, I use the term talking loosely as it was more like yelling. Hey buddy, no one gives a rip that you are upset that Mad Men wont be back till 2012 or that Anderson Cooper is also upset about it. I am pretty sure that those who ride in the free ride area dont care that John Hamm or January Jones arent back for another year...just sayin'.
So as I am exiting the bus and I notice at the bus stops that my bus routes are being closed as of February 5th. Have no fear, I can almost guarantee that whatever the new bus ride is there will still be plenty of interesting folks to write about. The blog will go on!!
Just as a side note, I was crossing the street (I was not jaywalking, there is a first time for everything) and a woman in a car flipped me off for walking!! Oh I am so sorry sunshine...I didnt mean to walk in front of you and make you slow down. I am such an asshole for being a pedestrian and having the right of way. (God, I need a sarcasm font!!) Put you cigarette down, pull your head out of your ass, and learn the rules of the road! For those who know me, I am sure you can guess what my response was to her finger...
**DISCLAIMER** For all those Mad Men fans out there, I agree that it is a pretty sad statement, I just didnt need it yelled to me on a bus.
So I get on bus and am immediately distracted by this woman who will not stop fidgeting. She is standing up, tucking in her shirt, picking at her shirt, rolling her sleeves, unrolling her sleeves, and all around just driving me nuts. Either stop taking whatever you are on or lets pop a few more pills before getting on the bus, lady!
At the next stop, a dude gets on the bus and is breaking a rule (I am sure you are all shocked) by talking on the phone. Now, I use the term talking loosely as it was more like yelling. Hey buddy, no one gives a rip that you are upset that Mad Men wont be back till 2012 or that Anderson Cooper is also upset about it. I am pretty sure that those who ride in the free ride area dont care that John Hamm or January Jones arent back for another year...just sayin'.
So as I am exiting the bus and I notice at the bus stops that my bus routes are being closed as of February 5th. Have no fear, I can almost guarantee that whatever the new bus ride is there will still be plenty of interesting folks to write about. The blog will go on!!
Just as a side note, I was crossing the street (I was not jaywalking, there is a first time for everything) and a woman in a car flipped me off for walking!! Oh I am so sorry sunshine...I didnt mean to walk in front of you and make you slow down. I am such an asshole for being a pedestrian and having the right of way. (God, I need a sarcasm font!!) Put you cigarette down, pull your head out of your ass, and learn the rules of the road! For those who know me, I am sure you can guess what my response was to her finger...
**DISCLAIMER** For all those Mad Men fans out there, I agree that it is a pretty sad statement, I just didnt need it yelled to me on a bus.
Monday, January 17, 2011
I heart irony
Happy MLK Jr day to everyone...although, since I didnt get a day off work..bah hum bug.
The bus wasnt that crowded today. I feel good that the crazies observe the holiday, but Safeco doesnt...sure. The bus was stopped and as I looked outside I saw a dude asking for change. Now, this is not an uncommon occurrence in downtown Seattle. However, as I looked closely at this dude, he was wearing a brand new North Face jacket. How did I know it was a brand new jacket you may ask. Well, I will tell you: it was bright white and if I can barely keep white items clean, I guarantee that this dude cant either. So here are some of the thoughts that ran through my brain:
1. If I were begging for change, I wouldnt wear a brand new expensive item...kinda doesnt appear that one would need change if one can afford North Face.
2. Did he steal it? If so, then why would anyone reward crime with spare change?
3. I am actually slightly jealous of this guy...the jacket was darling!
4. I give it till the end of the week till that jacket is a nice shade of dirt
5. I kinda wish I was out there as I would definitely say something to this guy about this...I am sure it would have made for a better blog
Tomorrow is another day...and fingers crossed, another blog!
The bus wasnt that crowded today. I feel good that the crazies observe the holiday, but Safeco doesnt...sure. The bus was stopped and as I looked outside I saw a dude asking for change. Now, this is not an uncommon occurrence in downtown Seattle. However, as I looked closely at this dude, he was wearing a brand new North Face jacket. How did I know it was a brand new jacket you may ask. Well, I will tell you: it was bright white and if I can barely keep white items clean, I guarantee that this dude cant either. So here are some of the thoughts that ran through my brain:
1. If I were begging for change, I wouldnt wear a brand new expensive item...kinda doesnt appear that one would need change if one can afford North Face.
2. Did he steal it? If so, then why would anyone reward crime with spare change?
3. I am actually slightly jealous of this guy...the jacket was darling!
4. I give it till the end of the week till that jacket is a nice shade of dirt
5. I kinda wish I was out there as I would definitely say something to this guy about this...I am sure it would have made for a better blog
Tomorrow is another day...and fingers crossed, another blog!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Oldie but a Goodie
Well friends, this has been an odd bus week...meaning, it has been filled with normal people! Mark this week down as I am sure it wont happen again. So I will reach down into the stories that occurred prior to this blog and relay a fav of mine.
About 4 months ago, I got on the bus thinking it was going to be a normal day(I know better). I am sitting on the sideways facing seats and there is a woman across from me. Now, she looks like your standard 'citizen' of Seattle...a little ragged, with a hint of crazy. I dont think much of it until I notice her reaching into her shirt. Umm, lady...pretty sure the bus is not the proper place for an adjustment. She then removes her hand and she is holding a live mouse. Let me repeat that for you: She pulled a live mouse out of her bra. I am pretty sure my jaw was on the floor. She not only pulls this mouse out, but it is clear that this is her pet. She is petting it and talking to it, and, might I add, asking the wheelchair bound/mentally challenged rider if he wants to pet it. Listen Minnie, the poor guy cant even speak...pretty sure he doesnt want to pet your bra mouse. She then puts the mouse back in her bra and passes out. Some things to note:
1. Lets just say she is not rolling with a ton of cleavage here...pretty sure the mouse is bigger than its 'home'
2. What the hell is she on that she can pass out with a mouse in her bra?! That cant be comfortable
3. Is that hygienic?!
I swear, I cannot make this stuff up...believe it or not!!!
About 4 months ago, I got on the bus thinking it was going to be a normal day(I know better). I am sitting on the sideways facing seats and there is a woman across from me. Now, she looks like your standard 'citizen' of Seattle...a little ragged, with a hint of crazy. I dont think much of it until I notice her reaching into her shirt. Umm, lady...pretty sure the bus is not the proper place for an adjustment. She then removes her hand and she is holding a live mouse. Let me repeat that for you: She pulled a live mouse out of her bra. I am pretty sure my jaw was on the floor. She not only pulls this mouse out, but it is clear that this is her pet. She is petting it and talking to it, and, might I add, asking the wheelchair bound/mentally challenged rider if he wants to pet it. Listen Minnie, the poor guy cant even speak...pretty sure he doesnt want to pet your bra mouse. She then puts the mouse back in her bra and passes out. Some things to note:
1. Lets just say she is not rolling with a ton of cleavage here...pretty sure the mouse is bigger than its 'home'
2. What the hell is she on that she can pass out with a mouse in her bra?! That cant be comfortable
3. Is that hygienic?!
I swear, I cannot make this stuff up...believe it or not!!!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Refresher
Happy Thursday to everyone...if you are like me, I am sure you are wondering why it isnt Friday as this week has been too much.
So I thought I might take this opportunity to give a refresher on the rules that I laid out a few blogs ago. I know that I refer to them often and if there are new people following out there (which there better be as I expect everyone to tell a friend about this!) that might not know them. Also, I am sure I will be adding to them in the near future. So here they are:
So I thought I might take this opportunity to give a refresher on the rules that I laid out a few blogs ago. I know that I refer to them often and if there are new people following out there (which there better be as I expect everyone to tell a friend about this!) that might not know them. Also, I am sure I will be adding to them in the near future. So here they are:
Rule 1: Do not board the bus until all those exiting are off the bus.
Rule 2: When you are in the ride free zone, you dont have to pay.
Rule 3: Dont ask stupid questions.
Rule 4: Do not talk loudly on your cell phone.
Rule 5: Do not put purses or other bags on the seat next to you.
Rule 6: If you are sitting in the handicapped seats, you move when someone in a wheelchair needs them
In reviewing these again myself, I will say that rule 5 just constantly gets abused. Here is an example from my morning bus:
Really lady...your suitcase needs a place on the bus. I have taken the bus multiple times with a suitcase and I do not put it on a chair...plus, she is sitting in the seat that has the MOST room and her suitcase would definitely fit there, but no...it clearly needs its own seat. Princess
Then this guy comes on the bus:
Seriously...your leg and a backpack?! This is the bus Mister, this is not your living room sofa where you can sit anyway you please. You sit your ass down with your feet on the floor and your items in your lap. If I cant cross my legs, you count lounge. Boom.
So Larry the Lounger is sitting down and at the next stop a guy gets on the bus and politely asks the guy to move his leg. Well, Larry just about has a full blown melt down and stands up, starts walking down the aisle swearing, "fucking A...cant get any respect for the disabled" Ummm...disabled?! Where did that come from?! The guy got on the bus walking just fine, there is no wheelchair, and he has no cane...how is anyone supposed to infer that he is disabled? Dont get your panties in a twist bud just cause you got called out on your rule breaking!
Then there is this guy:
There is no real story on this guy. I just had to share with everyone what he is wearing. Now, one might think that he is wearing a camo jacket and pants...well, one would be wrong. This is a full blown camo onesie!! So sweet!!! He was really tall so he could have it custom made. Props Dude...props
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Of course...
...the first time I ride the bus when I have my new computer and there really wasnt anything interesting that occurred! Story of my life!!
So I am not sure if I have told the story of my morning bus route and Mark so I can share that with you all :)
My morning bus is usually pretty normal as it doesnt come from downtown proper. It is filled with normal, office employees and is usually far from scary/exciting. However, when I started going into work early, I encountered Mark. Now, let me start with the basics:
1. He clearly has a mental disorder...which one, I cannot put my finger on
2. He always is wearing a reflective vest
3. He walks like a weeble
4. He smells like tuna fish and pee
He gets on the bus every day and walks down the aisles either saying Hi to the people he knows or trying to introduce himself. I get on the bus at 6:54...I dont like talking to people on my afternoon bus, let alone first thing in the morning, however, I really dont want to be rude to him (see point 1). I have been willing him to not talk to me and doing things like sitting next to people (which, I am sure you know I dont like to do either), keeping my earphones in, etc. Well, the other day my luck ran out. He was standing right next to me and asked, "what's your name". Writing that out does not due it justice...next time you see me please ask me to imitate Mark's voice.
I am a smart girl and really do not feel like sharing my name with bus folks regardless of their mental state, but I also dont want fellow passengers to think I am such a bitch...I start to panic and then reply, "Beth". He asks for my middle name...I reply, "Anne"...he then goes for the last name to which I reply "Gerhart". Thank goodness for my bestie Beth as I know she wont be mad :) He then wants to shake hands. Dude, I do not touch anything on the bus and please refer to point 4 plus its cold season...no dice Mark, that is where I draw the line!
Last week, Mark got on the bus and said "Hi Elizabeth" to which I can only giggle to myself (love you Beth!) and then says, "Shake". I am sorry, but regardless of your mental state, I will not be talked to like I am a K9...pass!!! He has done that a couple of times and I never shake his hand and he is starting to not talk to me (a small tear falls).
Ok...gotta run, I got the Nordstrom catalog and Cooking Light magazine in the mail today. For those that know me, you know how lucky you are to even get a blog :)
So I am not sure if I have told the story of my morning bus route and Mark so I can share that with you all :)
My morning bus is usually pretty normal as it doesnt come from downtown proper. It is filled with normal, office employees and is usually far from scary/exciting. However, when I started going into work early, I encountered Mark. Now, let me start with the basics:
1. He clearly has a mental disorder...which one, I cannot put my finger on
2. He always is wearing a reflective vest
3. He walks like a weeble
4. He smells like tuna fish and pee
He gets on the bus every day and walks down the aisles either saying Hi to the people he knows or trying to introduce himself. I get on the bus at 6:54...I dont like talking to people on my afternoon bus, let alone first thing in the morning, however, I really dont want to be rude to him (see point 1). I have been willing him to not talk to me and doing things like sitting next to people (which, I am sure you know I dont like to do either), keeping my earphones in, etc. Well, the other day my luck ran out. He was standing right next to me and asked, "what's your name". Writing that out does not due it justice...next time you see me please ask me to imitate Mark's voice.
I am a smart girl and really do not feel like sharing my name with bus folks regardless of their mental state, but I also dont want fellow passengers to think I am such a bitch...I start to panic and then reply, "Beth". He asks for my middle name...I reply, "Anne"...he then goes for the last name to which I reply "Gerhart". Thank goodness for my bestie Beth as I know she wont be mad :) He then wants to shake hands. Dude, I do not touch anything on the bus and please refer to point 4 plus its cold season...no dice Mark, that is where I draw the line!
Last week, Mark got on the bus and said "Hi Elizabeth" to which I can only giggle to myself (love you Beth!) and then says, "Shake". I am sorry, but regardless of your mental state, I will not be talked to like I am a K9...pass!!! He has done that a couple of times and I never shake his hand and he is starting to not talk to me (a small tear falls).
Ok...gotta run, I got the Nordstrom catalog and Cooking Light magazine in the mail today. For those that know me, you know how lucky you are to even get a blog :)
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