Holy Moly

Well, Monday definitely made its presence known today on the bus.  I honestly am not sure if I am even going to be able to do this story justice.

As a warning, this blog is Rated-R

So I get on the bus and it seems pretty harmless (I didnt know, but this was the calm before the storm).  At the first stop, a bunch of people get on the bus, including a mother and her 4 year old child and then the bus driver started putting the wheel chair lift down.  Again, nothing out of the norm.

I am sitting pretty close to the front and I can see the guy that is attempting to get on the wheelchair lift.  Let me see if I can describe him accurately:

-bandages around both feet that are not secured and are flopping around
-dirty clothes
-hasnt seen a shower since Vanilla Ice had a hit song
-could smell the booze and the cigarettes from 8' away

So the guy gets on the ramp and cannot seem to roll himself forward.  I am not sure what is so tricky about this...you seem to just move the wheels and it rolls forward, but hey, what do I know.  At this point, the guy's pee bag falls onto the ground.  Let me repeat that.  The medical bag that contained his urine, fell onto the floor.  At this point, I am thinking this guy is right up there with Boob Rat.  The poor bus driver, had to reach over and pull him onto the bus.  He starts rolling down the aisle (he can roll now, but not a moment ago...wtf?) and his gnarly bandaged feet are waiving everywhere...beyond disgusting.  He then starts mumbling typical Seattle crazy rantings, "Fucking Communists....such bullshit....I'll show them...fucking-a".  As he is rolling past me, I almost get knocked over with the smell of booze...I mean, he smells like an entire frat house after rush week.  At this point, I would like to remind you that there is a 4 year old sitting within earshot of this guy...I am sure he is scarred for life.

Behind Pee Guy, comes another very nice woman with a walker (she obviously carries it onto the bus without even using it, but that is pretty standard now a days and that issue has been addressed in previous blogs).  She sits down and says hi to Pee Guy and reminds him that she is so-and-so's wife, Marlene.  This gal is of African American decent and Pee Guy looks up and says, "oh yeah, Marlene...I dont mind having me a black woman."  Nice moves Pee Guy.  She is being polite and humoring him and then he says, "Before I looked up, I thought you were Marlene with the nice body, but I guess not"  Wow,  Pee Guy will now be referred to as Casanova.  He continues swearing and then looks at Not-Hot Marlene and says, "Marlene, I would like 22, 24, 26, and 28 black hookers to service me"  Whats with the numbers Casanova?!  Are you looking at a Chinese menu to order your hookers?  I shit you not this is actually happening on the bus.  Marlene then gets pissed, rightfully so, and starts yelling at him for asking her to solicit prostitution and then threatens him that he husband is going to kick his ass.  Yeah, NH Marlene...I am sure he will learn his lesson then...he is so wasted he probably wouldnt notice if he got pushed into he Sound.  She then throws him under the bus (no pun intended) and says that she knows he really can walk and calls his wheelchair bullshit.  Now NH Marlene, those in glass houses shouldnt throw stones...pretty sure that your walker is just for show.   Dear Lord, get me off this bus.  

Thank god Casanova got off at the next stop (he realized right after he got on that he was on the wrong bus...sure).  I look around and the entire bus is saying things like, "I have seen everything now".  I respond with, "I've seen worse."  The girl next to me looks absolutely horrified and I say out loud, "I hate the bus".  She looked relieved and wondered if it was always this bad as she just moved from Bellingham where the only people who took the bus were students.  I then proceeded to tell her that it is usually pretty bad and that I started a blog about my bus adventures.  She asked for the blog address and if she is reading, Hey Caitlin!!