I'm Baaaaaaaaaaccccccckkkkkkk

Well, after a summer hiatus, this girl is back on the bus!!  Mother Nature has made it near impossible for me to walk home, so it is time to brave the gross, smelly, and crazy bus...ugh!!!  Bad for me, but good for all those that enjoy this blog...the sacrifices I make for you all!!! :)

Let me bring all of you up to speed with the bus situation in Seattle.  They have actually gotten rid of the Ride Free Zone!  I got a little concerned on this that a majority of my 'material' would be stuck harassing tourists on the street, but I got onto the bus on Monday (first day back on the bus mind you) and saw this gem:

I am 100% sure that this picture doesnt do her justice so let me see if I can set the stage:

-she has more lipstick around her mouth than on her lips

-blush on one cheek

-there are blue eyeshadow stripes coming down her eyelid on 1 eye

-there are sunglasses haphazardly placed on her head (it was pouring down rain)

Now, the best part of Elizabeth Arden was not just what was all over her mouth, but what was coming out of it.  Now, I am going to give you quotes from her and for the record, I have no idea who she was speaking to, but I have to assume it was to the voices in her head.  She was literally just sitting on the bus barking these words out.  I want to be clear that these are verbatim and in order:

-Why are you a girl? (listen sister, it's not like we had a choice)

-Why are you wearing a bra, you don't have served (some voice in her head just got served!)

-Why are you drinking beer, you're fat (there is a fat chested plus side voice that is getting the smack down!)

-You dont have to act overweight (some voice is going to have an eating disorder)

-You have greens and you have a baby (well, maybe she was preggo and not overweight)

-She was skinnier and imagined she was away (this broad is weight obsessed)

-We want to make Frankenstein (well, it is almost halloween)

-He thinks we are a puppy with blue eyes (I dont even have words)

I think that Elizabeth Arden has reassured me that the dissolution of the Ride Free Zone will not affect the blog! 

Katie

This bascially writes itself

Well folks, just when I think that I am not going to have anymore stories for you, I walk onto my afternoon bus yesterday and find this:

This person (I have no idea if its male or female) is completely passed out on the bus.  Lets also count the number of bags she has surrounding here...I will give you a moment to do that.  This person, their 3 bags, and their copy of what appears to be a National Geographic magazine have taken up an entire bench!  Sure no big deal...please, keep snoozing!

So The bus continues on and this person is not moving.  I think start to worry that maybe, tragically, they have died?!  As awful as that would be, it would only be a matter of time...I mean, I have seen everything else!  I obviously do not want anyone to die...lets just be clear on that!  I was also just morbidly (poss wrong choice of words) curious as to what was hiding under that hair. 

We continue down the street.  People are getting on and off, the bus driver is calling out the stops, and this person is not moving!  People are looking and I am about to say something to the bus driver, when it wakes up!  I swear on everything I own (including my shoes) that this next description is completely true.  It wakes up (at this point I am like 80% sure its a woman) turns and looks at me and she has 1 tooth...total!  Now, I am not talking about your run of the mill you and me tooth.  This thing looked like it came from the stone age...it was huge!  I guess that if you only have one tooth, you go big or go home!  She also started just talking and babbling to herself...I am pretty sure she had no idea where she was!  Ugh, each day is an adventure I guess. 

I did hear that the ride free area might be going away...what will become of my blog??

The exception is now the rule

Well hello everyone!!  So I know I havent blogged in a while, but now that the holidays are over, I promise I am going to try and write more!  As a reward with being patient with me, I have a photo!  This is what I saw when I walked onto the bus this afternoon:

I am not sure if it came out perfectly, but if you look closely, you will see a gentleman that has lifted the seat which is normally used for the handicapped.  Instead of a wheelchair. he has placed a small book case.  That's right folks...this jackass thinks that his rickety old book case is far more important than people!  We all know that this is my pet peeve, but I think that this guy is taking it to a whole new level.  He is not just taking up a seat, he has raised the seat (which is in a sense 2 seats) to store an old book case.  It honestly just boggles my mind.

On a side note, I have decided that Seattle must be manufacturing some sort of perfume...I would call it Eau d'Ashtray.  I swear on everything that this smell is just everywhere and everyone!  I am sure you are all jealous so if you are interested in a bottle for yourself, let me know!  I can ask one of the local degenerates to bottle it for you.  Oh, and I am fully aware that I am a bitch!